Friday, February 6, 2015

Why conspire? How does your garden grow?

"They" conspired to take my share, or somehow I had offered mine to sacrifice. At the end of the season there was no hoard. Only a dry, empty cellar.

So many times I came away from a let down and thought, "Damn, it didn't have to go down like that." I was never able to identify a root cause of this obvious unbalance. I thought it was just me. Or an unlucky streak, that persisted.

When i was more able to organize myself, I found myself 10 feet below ground, in a hole of debt and worry I had dug for myself. More, I was confused as to why I had dug myself such a hole. Again.

I can own the shovel and the hole, but I cannot quite take full responsibility for the how I found myself there. I know better than to be caught dead nodding in the direction of anybody else. But people with an agenda were available for advice, and tend to set me toward doom or kaboom.

It was almost lucky for some of them. I was all devote enough time but where the hell is it and could not concentrate on anything long enough to bear achievement. I could tell it was fast approaching, "go for broke." 

What a joke.

If it weren't for the money I would of never found myself asking myself, "Is the whole sand dune inside my nose? Can the wind really be this relentless?"


I knew I was meant to learn the hard way. I was young when I noticed the trend. A habit,  that sends me from beginning to end like a spinning circle; And, that I could go on forever this way. Outlast the Energizer bunny.

But, This activity of the line wasn't lovingly tendered or well meant character building. Suffering is suffering. 

And I part of why I'm inspired to contribute my perspective, here, is Because I can sense it's time, to build a new perspective. 

I do not have time to sleep when I am dead. I want to utilize God's gift of free will before I actually meet him.

My life and use of each day is just as righteous as the  next guys'.

Why did I ever let the cruel beast of immature in?

Now my midlife-confession:  I was in the middle of my courtin' obsession. I got hit with the middle of a recession. Now, we ALL make concessions. Confessions.

I thought, if we ALL dig a hole to China it is not just a hole, it is a highway.
What does that say?


I am too serious for someone who survived. I could still cry. It was a shame.

So sad to know too many who buy form with habbits, but cannot abolish them.

My reflection can show, I am blown away and about by the wind and whimsy more easily. Things do not seem as solid for me anymore.

I'm happier here, having found a foothold before the slip. But I will be forever peaked with an interest in how things are perceived. Im uncomfortable with how comfortable we are in our fake world with our fake ideas of ourselves and each other.

I get a shiver when I think about our loyalty to the fake ideas of a governement, for and by, we the people, who fake interest with the public interest. To who? And which what does it serve? 

I spent just enough time in line to identify with others who suffer. 

Who knows what could happen if we completely forget to observe Mother Nature and we recieve God by electronic device and thy virtual reality is thy devine? 

And here I worry about my kids and doubt every word in the "No-child-left-behind-the-bus-unless- nobody-is-watching-and-because-it-snowed--they-don't-have-shoes-to-walk-uphill-both-ways," book I must have found at the animal shelter. 

Yet I know I will stand before judgement by my adhindersnce to it.

I am too American to stand at the bottom of the hole for very long. 

Damn sure if I will be babysitting my hole when it is time to lay down in it.

More, I know that if I can change, then I might inspire another person to take the same challenge. And, then so can another, and another. I hope there are others who feel It is time to dismantle this pattern of individual state of being "without" responsibility.

I don't want to feed the pig anymore because it is blinded by and addicted to ideals which leave it unable to help the needy.

I cannot believe I tried to bend the natural laws of the Universie to my will. I see the cow path I wore down where I side step my own morals.

I hope I am not the only one ready to call my inner Fool out for a good thrashing after school today.

It hasn't been much fun to decide a new path for new morals.

My kids try to motivate me, with this phrase and and I tumbleweed wish it might inspire at least one of my fellow Americans, to climb out of the hole if it resembles mine.

"Hell-o. Can we get this show on the road?"

And they are right.

I don't have time to sleep when I'm dead. 

Can't we just get along and help each other? 

Hell-o! Would being helpful or thoughtful to each other cause a life altering state of being? a natural disaster? 

Ah hell,

 I- tumbleweed wish...

I tumbleweed wish ...

For your sake and mine.

I tumbleweed wish ... We could take a break from things and the "we the people that are FAKE."


To do nothing, does not attract me.

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