Wednesday, February 27, 2013


"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.
The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." -Nelson Mandela
For over a month I have been consumed by action that betters my family's life, and my own. In any department that we can foster optimism, there has been progress. Bad habits are being shredded like the paid bills. The new habits are being nurtured. So, change feels good. It really does.

"You cannot in human experience, rush into the light.
You have to go through the twilight into the
broadening day before noon comes and the full sun
 is upon the landscape". -Woodrow Wilson
Hope is in the air, because we recognize there is something new on the horizon. For me, Blondie's Laundry Service is but a small piece of the triple layer fudge cake I have had my eye on, and might just sneak out of my "Auntie's" back door.

Some revelations are like a thunder storm which blast across the desert. Lately I try to padlock my emotion so I can fully process my passion and give it direction.

But, my time, subject to this locked down excitement, is full of suspense. Like I am waiting for my turn at an old fashioned shoot-em-up.

I know the intensity of this emotion is driven by this new horizon, and any fears are related to not knowing what will come of  my actions, or role I will play in it.

But, if I must attend this shoot-out, then I must win. They say when a cowgirl is down on her luck, she plays her heart, and so my plan is to do as the cowgirls I worship, do. As in love it, and love as hard as I can.

Before I lose you with mushy love talk, know I speak of the love that puts your feet in the stirrups and after your daily bacon, and not romantic love. I speak of the love we have for that "pile" of things which move our human heart to song and our feet to dance.

I know what moves me to dance. I created a persona, and the tumbleweed feed so I would have a way to nurture it. And it has been a good place for me to practice, with my weapon, and pretend I am as cowgirl-tough as any man. 
These days it has been easy to buckle these leather chaps around my hips. I am excited to put on my work boots and my leather gloves. I have checked to see my pistol is in condition and loaded. You might catch me practice a a few quick draws and then holster my weapon for later, but I know I am ready. And able.
Like the cowgirls I worship I pull my hat low so that when I walk into the light I will not be distracted by the reflective light. I set one foot on to this boardwalk, because I cannot go back. Then I plant the other boot right beside it, because I might have to fight for what is right.

The other day I was linking up to the "professional world" via Linked in. I did not know what to expect, so with an open mind, I began to build a summary of myself. While I explored this process I felt like I was being forced toward, a very small definition of what was my experience or ability. I could not seem to "get it right" no matter how much I edited. 
Naively, I did not realize these revisions were sent to all my "connections." I was trying to put my best foot on to the boardwalk but I just slipped on a banana peel. I am not sure how it looked to the other guy and was just about to say to hell with it, and update some feed to read: "I know what I know because I went to school and then worked my ass off for it."

I mean, how do you summarize almost two decades of jack-of-all-trades service experience (some of which actually does involve poo)? How do point out the Nevada Press Association awards and not bring up that they never gained acceptance by my peers? And what words should I use to describe the need inside me to find the road less traveled, explore every inch of wild Nevada and then liken those emotions to that of a wild mustang, who is after mares?
I found it difficult to tell those who are Linked In, that I have learned and laid down character since I was "hard at work," and found plenty to be scared of in this big beautiful world. Where do I point out that I learn the hard way, and the long way. That I have came to know that the ground is not flat, or even, and it no where near fair or forgiving.

I have survived birth. And death. And being screwed by a big bank and lost faith in government, and now I find bureaucracy stretches from here into eternity.

I say real gumption comes when you deny yourself a prescription to somebody else's point of view; or yourself a handout when you needy. I learned from these life experiences that I am not just a survivor, but a fighter.
And then there are the sins of my past. How do I show people the brazen sins of my youth were recognized in the aftermath; and that now I keep a fresh set of rules on board so that I am able to walk a more deliberate path.

But, what about the path? How do we go about expressing that the path I walk is never going to be the path you might expect... That, if I were an empty old whore house, I would be one with a fresh coat of red paint on the fence.
Dear future employer,
My intent is to take the scenic route; or the long way; or the road less traveled to my own conclusion. My abilities may not exceed, but will not be limited to the size of a box. I do not have time to define my direction because North, South, East or West are all as good a direction as any to travel. And direction is nothing when I have already decided to have one adventure after another until my body is thoroughly used up.

This way of thinking surely presents a problem. After sending shrapnel into cyberspace for a couple of days I had to ask myself, who am I after? And who is going to hire me? Well, for this wild Wednesday I found my solution. I cut and pasted "Creed," by Dean Alfange into the Linked In summary of myself, and was done with it.

Creed, by Dean Alfange, goes like this:
 I do not choose to be a common man.
It  is my right to be uncommon--if I can.
I seek opportunity--not security.
I do not wish to be a kept citizen, humbled and dulled by having the state look after me...

Then I gave myself a #2 certification as Queen of Poo, because I have been weighed and measured and found myself wanting (even on the holidays) a lot more out of my life. 

I figure the poo certs will get it across that I am willing to get down and get dirty to get where I am going. The place I want to be is as wild as Nevada and has everything to do with my living, loving and laughing my ass off. So, I guess Linked In made sure I was finally ready to part from the herd, and proclaim my intent to set sail on the sea of sagebrush and celebrate it here.

While there is much to be afraid for, I will not mind the hardships because I want, and will have, my triple layer fudge cake (my dream). I am not afraid to learn what I do not know and and take a stand using the information I already possess. I know I am different. And I know fear still has a thing or two to teach me. 
Furthermore, it is time for me to fight the cowgirl fight for what is right. It is time to utilize my Queen of Poo certs to FLUSH disappointment to the poop pond where the rest of the turds go.
Regret is not needed here. I was patient, diligent, and even deliberate. I stood still. I waited for morning to turn to noon so I could pull my cowgirl hat down and step onto the boardwalk. If it is a gunfight they want then I will oblige them. While I was checking my pistol I found the door to my dreams unlocked and within reach.

Now I have something to fight for. And a place to unleash the passion I had to put a padlock on before.

So what exactly is it I am after? Can the adventures of this blog afford me more than mere adventures? Eventually it will. It will take some planning, and a lot of hard work. But, I intend to make the tumbleweed feed my bacon.

So yea, I know where I am going. I am hell bent for Sunday and my triple layer fudge cake with two kinds of frosting!

It just looks like a tumbleweed dancing because I found the light of noon and the courage to fight for it, and I am inspired by all the love I have inside or has been shown to me.  
Are you as excited as I am? Well, to link up, or read "Creed," check out my Linked In profile. I hope it will bring lunchtime to your otherwise unfun Wednesday. Also, please share, share, share these blog posts because this wildnevadan girl wants to go somewhere! Thank you for reading.
Until next time.


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